Deep down everyone can be a motherf**ker sometimes, yet everyone has their nice side as well. Kinda funny when you hurt others and dont realise it, and when others hurt you, you make a big fuss about it. Had a fight with my mate today, probably my best mate in the f'ed up world tbh. Not going into the details, but for some fucked up reason we seem to bond (atleast i feel) better after we have arguments. I am happy to admit, i dont always practice what I preach, nor do I uphold my morals in life every walking day.
I know that dude comes on my blog and read my shit, so im gonna say this here and then, i know that despite our differences in lifestyle, interest and all that shit, i honestly and honestly believe deep down, our friendship isnt about the past, nor the memories we held when we were growing up, I think we havnt really figured it out yet tbh, how two kids being 10 years old can be such good friends despite the limitations of our youth, i think we just put this as an excuse of it being the past, and all that bullshit we believe to be truth. All i can say is, its been a long road, we shed tears blood guts and all that shit. Been there for each other for ups and down, i do not think this is simply based on the past. I truly fucking believe we don't know what this is and why the fuck we are "putting" up with each other.
Its times like these, after those fights I realise that you hold me in check for most things i do in life. Maybe to you I am the "mature" one, im not that mature and you know it. Its like that stupid locking arms behind each other and trying to stand up kinda game. you support me as much as I support you. Behind that wall that we spoke about, im just a kid scared of everything, truth is, im nothing without the friends I have today and you my friend, has been a driving force in that matter hands down. You know the shit im doing right now, and i think deep down, you dont approve many parts of it based on your principle, but you try and understand and try and support. In truth, im desperate when i started to do this, this is nothing but one of the better attempts to improve myself, finding myself. I think you made alot of valid points tonight, its one of those things that i will remember for a long while to come, not for the fight itself, but for the fact you bothered to fight to improve me, for that, I cant thank you enough.
Sometimes I dont honestly understand how you can put up with my negatives when I cant even put up with it myself, but for that and just for that, i can tell that your so called "changes" are honestly never needed, you are who you want to be, you just dont like to show it to many people. Altho, stop with those mofo crazy ideas, those are defo not good.
Peace out
Srg
Friday, July 22, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
work, relo, zzz
Life is never constant for me, its just a statement cause I have so much that I wanna write about, yet have no idea how to start. I often ask myself why I enjoy writing these blogs so much, i think it generally comes down to the fact that I am most honest when its on paper, i can tell this piece of paper anything I wanna vent about and mainly because I enjoy writing late at night (almost 4am atm). So what is really new? In many ways nothing much has happened to me personally yet, but within the coming month, much will change, hopefully for the better but I would never know for sure. Its like a darken cloud forming around everything I do, it is simply impossible to tell if those cloud are simply covering that sun or a shower is coming through. I believe that whatever is coming, I will be prepared for it, because for the first time (in a long while), i did something for me.
I remember last year, my rents went to china for over a month, leaving me with the house and car and everything. I remember being excited about the freedom, yet I didn't quite understand that responsibility entirely. I like to hope I am wiser after a year of growing and developing and that my actions is not of a child wanting to get away from responsibility but of a young guy trying to understand his own worth, needs and goals. So what is that "big" news? I quit my job as a waiter after 1.5 years working there. This is gonna be my last week working there. One of my managers asked me why I quit and honestly, i could literally type pages after pages of why I am quitting. All of them are legit reasons and I honestly cbb mentioning them atm. I guess to sum it up in the TL:DR version, I quit because I got fed up with how I am being treated there and I don't think my work inputs are being valued or appreciated. So in one week time I will be jobless, enjoying my last two weeks of uni break and waiting for the spring semi to start. Upside is I have something to do, down side is I can barely see my friends during this semi.
Im probably gonna regret this in the morning, like that time when i messaged most of my contacts when i was pissed drunk buh, blahhhh one by one my friends are dating now. Personally, I am actually not pro relo atm cause lets face it, its fucking expensive and takes up alot of time. Too much for my liking considering that for a guy who does 0, it can get quiet busy for me at times, esp if uni is starting. Buh in terms of relo, i do have my eyes set on a chick buh due to well, me being me (aka probably blown it) and other reasons, im hesitant in many ways to "go for it". So I am feeling really fucking lost bout this whole thing. Ironically probably just half a year ago I would have given up anything to try and get her had I met her back then, sigh such is the irony of life huh.
oh man its like 4:10am, imma outy
I remember last year, my rents went to china for over a month, leaving me with the house and car and everything. I remember being excited about the freedom, yet I didn't quite understand that responsibility entirely. I like to hope I am wiser after a year of growing and developing and that my actions is not of a child wanting to get away from responsibility but of a young guy trying to understand his own worth, needs and goals. So what is that "big" news? I quit my job as a waiter after 1.5 years working there. This is gonna be my last week working there. One of my managers asked me why I quit and honestly, i could literally type pages after pages of why I am quitting. All of them are legit reasons and I honestly cbb mentioning them atm. I guess to sum it up in the TL:DR version, I quit because I got fed up with how I am being treated there and I don't think my work inputs are being valued or appreciated. So in one week time I will be jobless, enjoying my last two weeks of uni break and waiting for the spring semi to start. Upside is I have something to do, down side is I can barely see my friends during this semi.
Im probably gonna regret this in the morning, like that time when i messaged most of my contacts when i was pissed drunk buh, blahhhh one by one my friends are dating now. Personally, I am actually not pro relo atm cause lets face it, its fucking expensive and takes up alot of time. Too much for my liking considering that for a guy who does 0, it can get quiet busy for me at times, esp if uni is starting. Buh in terms of relo, i do have my eyes set on a chick buh due to well, me being me (aka probably blown it) and other reasons, im hesitant in many ways to "go for it". So I am feeling really fucking lost bout this whole thing. Ironically probably just half a year ago I would have given up anything to try and get her had I met her back then, sigh such is the irony of life huh.
oh man its like 4:10am, imma outy
Monday, July 11, 2011
10 Years in the making
One decade ago, as a 10 year old Chinese kid (spoke no English btw), I came to Australia... (not by the boats, legit, dont sue me). To this universe, 10 years may seem like nothing. Traveling in space is calculated in light years, 10 years probably would be the equivalent as the size of bacterium to human, in terms of size and size only, it is insignificant. 10 years of the evolution of this planet and all of its life forms can probably be explained as one drop of water in the vast ocean, however it is rather difficult to describe how that drop even contributed to the enormous entirety. 10 years in modern day humanity/civilization can be seen as a lot faster then the former examples. It can be slow like a boat on a calm sea, much like politics in the peaceful days, or fast like any F1 races in terms of technology. With topics such as war, diseases, science, politics, disasters and technology as popular culture in this age, 10 years of changes to our world can be portrayed as a rising to setting sun. Slowly yet steadily moving.
But this isnt about 10 years of universe, evolution or humanity... this is smaller then that. Compared to those topics, my 10 years would be like that of an ant. Small and insignificant. But to me, that is probably my all, my 10 years universe, evolution and humanity.
Every one of those 10 years, I have changed, I have grown in some way and I have learned in some shape or form. From learning English to talk to other to learning about myself, I have in many ways changed myself. I dont make all my changes right and I make mistakes, but i try and not regret them. I learn from those mistakes, again and again if I must, but so far I have came out stronger then before. I try and not think about my past, but it is hard at times, esp when i am dark in my mood. But i understand that if you cant let go of that past, you will never move forward. and i intend to move forward with every chance I get. I consider myself lucky, because every time when I make a mistake, big or small, i always have a way of solving it, may it be finding the right person or just literally become lucky.
Over these past 10 years I have slowly defined who I am, I know I am always changing, so I probably will never find out who I truly am, but recently (in this year I believe) a friend of mine told me that no matter whatever happens in my life, I will always be that constant in my life. That is ironically the only thing that will never change in my life. I was in some dark places during that time, and perhaps that friend will never know how much that advice helped me. Because the changes that took place in my mind in the month after and right now has made me stronger then ever before. I cant say everything has changed, but I can say in many ways I am much more freer then before.
You ever know that nice guy in your friend group who takes people home with their car, likes a chick only to find out they are competing with their so called friends?
That nice guy doesnt stand a chance but no one has the hearts to tell him. So he always finds out last about everything. Ever had this one guy who is always the deso driver not because it was agreed by everyone, but its because he know everyone will start asking him to take them home once they had god knows how many shots? Its literally like he goes there to be the driver. Yeh, that guy was me. I am that door mat everyone stepped on and took for granted for everything. Heck, I had some friends (female) who was betting when I was gonna get my first gf. From memo it was 23 or 22 (or still 2 more years phew). This bro4life bs goes the moment chicks comes in, and chicks describes me as "the nice guy". Trust this "nice guy" you dont wanna be that nice guy at all. I will tell you why.
Girls at my age, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 (im 20 btw), they dont wanna settle down with a nice guy. Nice guys are boring, easily controlled and have no excitement. Doesnt f'ing matter if they are nice or whatever. They are not FUN, no real personality, and thats all there is to it. Of cause I am generalizing, not all chicks are like that, but majority of the girls are. And if you as a chick ever read this and argue otherwise, seriously just think about it. Deny all of want but it is hardwired into your brain from caveman times. Woman wanted leaders, not the lower ranked caveman who only served. Didnt appeal to them at all. I highly doubt in your short 20 years of life you can change something hardwired through million years of evolution that quickly. If you did, contact me and lets hit to coffee, I know a few of nice guys who might wanna meet you.
Er, think thats really it atm , I had something else to talk about that happened today, but its like 3am and i really cbb atm, so mabye another time. I dont know if I wanna put this blog up on fb or msn, but i wrote it for a reason so, i mite, even if it seem abit personal/confronting. Anyways if u got up to here, I just wasted afew minutes of your life, so if you ever bump into me somewhere I will buy you a drink or someshit to make up for it.
Peace out
Srg
P.S. probably bad spelling and gramma shit, sue me see if I care =)
But this isnt about 10 years of universe, evolution or humanity... this is smaller then that. Compared to those topics, my 10 years would be like that of an ant. Small and insignificant. But to me, that is probably my all, my 10 years universe, evolution and humanity.
Every one of those 10 years, I have changed, I have grown in some way and I have learned in some shape or form. From learning English to talk to other to learning about myself, I have in many ways changed myself. I dont make all my changes right and I make mistakes, but i try and not regret them. I learn from those mistakes, again and again if I must, but so far I have came out stronger then before. I try and not think about my past, but it is hard at times, esp when i am dark in my mood. But i understand that if you cant let go of that past, you will never move forward. and i intend to move forward with every chance I get. I consider myself lucky, because every time when I make a mistake, big or small, i always have a way of solving it, may it be finding the right person or just literally become lucky.
Over these past 10 years I have slowly defined who I am, I know I am always changing, so I probably will never find out who I truly am, but recently (in this year I believe) a friend of mine told me that no matter whatever happens in my life, I will always be that constant in my life. That is ironically the only thing that will never change in my life. I was in some dark places during that time, and perhaps that friend will never know how much that advice helped me. Because the changes that took place in my mind in the month after and right now has made me stronger then ever before. I cant say everything has changed, but I can say in many ways I am much more freer then before.
You ever know that nice guy in your friend group who takes people home with their car, likes a chick only to find out they are competing with their so called friends?
That nice guy doesnt stand a chance but no one has the hearts to tell him. So he always finds out last about everything. Ever had this one guy who is always the deso driver not because it was agreed by everyone, but its because he know everyone will start asking him to take them home once they had god knows how many shots? Its literally like he goes there to be the driver. Yeh, that guy was me. I am that door mat everyone stepped on and took for granted for everything. Heck, I had some friends (female) who was betting when I was gonna get my first gf. From memo it was 23 or 22 (or still 2 more years phew). This bro4life bs goes the moment chicks comes in, and chicks describes me as "the nice guy". Trust this "nice guy" you dont wanna be that nice guy at all. I will tell you why.
Girls at my age, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 (im 20 btw), they dont wanna settle down with a nice guy. Nice guys are boring, easily controlled and have no excitement. Doesnt f'ing matter if they are nice or whatever. They are not FUN, no real personality, and thats all there is to it. Of cause I am generalizing, not all chicks are like that, but majority of the girls are. And if you as a chick ever read this and argue otherwise, seriously just think about it. Deny all of want but it is hardwired into your brain from caveman times. Woman wanted leaders, not the lower ranked caveman who only served. Didnt appeal to them at all. I highly doubt in your short 20 years of life you can change something hardwired through million years of evolution that quickly. If you did, contact me and lets hit to coffee, I know a few of nice guys who might wanna meet you.
Er, think thats really it atm , I had something else to talk about that happened today, but its like 3am and i really cbb atm, so mabye another time. I dont know if I wanna put this blog up on fb or msn, but i wrote it for a reason so, i mite, even if it seem abit personal/confronting. Anyways if u got up to here, I just wasted afew minutes of your life, so if you ever bump into me somewhere I will buy you a drink or someshit to make up for it.
Peace out
Srg
P.S. probably bad spelling and gramma shit, sue me see if I care =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)